Child Development: Do Terrible Twos Turn Into Troubled Teens?

Parents, do you have a challenging, perhaps precocious child that is difficult to handle?

If so, one part of the puzzle is in understanding that a child’s personality will follow him through his lifetime.

As a parent, recognizing a child’s individuality is of utmost importance. Every child is different, so even having a dozen siblings; we can never expect them to be carbon copies of each other or of ourselves.

I remember well my own daughter, who was a difficult child from the time she was brought home from the hospital; throwing her bottle across the room from the crib railing; screaming for attention, yet rejecting loving attention when we tried to administer it.

Her brothers were easy to manage and would entertain themselves with toys. But daughter? She was into drawers, cabinets, and closets from the time she could crawl. She was whiny and sneaky and absolutely hated being put to bed, trying our patience every single night. When the room got quiet, trouble was often brewing.

This precious little child did not like being held and would constantly squirm to get away. She wanted independence. We fought it, expecting her to be the way we wanted her to be.

Trying to mold her into a convenient model of our own routines, we did not recognize (until much, much later) that what we perceived as stubbornness was actually focused determination and the will to achieve her own thoughts.

Do you have a child like this?

Children do not outgrow their personalities. It is up to us, as parents, to channel it. Not doing so only lets the child make his or her own rules and get by with it. Parents throw up their hands in frustration, often giving in to the child’s way.

As an adolescent, our daughter sneaked out of the house and got into trouble for shoplifting with a friend. The importance of understanding her need for self-expression had gone unnoticed.

Years went by and, luckily, our daughter’s determination turned into a very positive attribute.

As knowledgeable and understanding parents, it is our duty and responsibility to guide our challenging children into expressing acceptable patterns of behavior; to guide them into achieving areas that we recognize as talent.

Eventually, I saw another caring and thoughtful side of my daughter that continues to this day.

Children who are punished for being who they are will grow up with resentment. Stifling a young child’s individuality and creative ability is like putting a dog in a cage without exercise or affection. They will wilt from lack of human praise.

Children are precious gifts.

We must remember they are uniquely different – as much so as our fingerprints and DNA.

Enjoy them by getting to know them. Have fun with their uniqueness and you will have a bond that will last a lifetime.