If I seek professional help for my child, am I considered a bad mom?
I am 25 and I’m having trouble with my 7 year old. Mainly her behavior and listening. She is a good child everywhere but at home. I don’t have anyone to get advice from. I have a mother who I should be able to turn to for help but she don’t help me, she just puts me down. So today I met with a therapist to get help since I don’t have anyone else. I felt that it’s a good thing because i’ll learn how to parent her better and I’ll know what to do in rough situations. I’ve tried time outs, grounding, removing her toys and she don’t care that I do those things. She don’t care that I just took away her favorite toy. I’m not the type that’s always yelling at my child because it only makes things worse and I was yelled at constantly when I was a child which lead me to be afraid of my mom. So when I needed her, I just kept it to myself and didn’t talk to her about any problems I had.
I don’t want my child to be afraid of me. I don’t believe in whoopins neither because I was whopped with a belt and I know how it feels. So when I tried talking to my mom about me seeking professional help, she told me that I was the problem and assumed I was putting her on medication.
I don’t want my child on medication and I don’t think it’s the only way of help. I did this to learn and to help my child because i’m afraid it might get worse and effect her as an adult. My goal is to take classes that we can take together to make our relationship better.
So I was wondering if it’s okay to seek professional help when you don’t know what to do in a matter like this and have no one to turn to? Is it a bad thing? I appreciate all answers !!
At 7-years-old, your daughter is at the perfect age to learn and practice some good guidance. You say she’s good everywhere else except at home? She’s testing you with your patience, tolerance, and rule enforcement. Do something now or it will only get worse.
Many children learn to manipulate their parents at a young age. It sounds like your daughter is in the midst of just that!
Spanking is not the answer. The last time I was ever spanked by my father was when I was 6 years old. It was on a vacation and it surprised me. I don’t even remember what I did, but I remember the spanking. He must have felt bad about it, because he never did it again.
Time-out is not the answer. Time-out to a child is just idle dawdle time until the clock goes by. It would be better to send a child to his/her room with a chore to do before being allowed to come out. Have them write about what they did to make you angry. Or, have them clean out the closet, etc. while in their rooms.
Grounding is not the answer. My kids got grounded by my ex-husband regularly. It never helped. They simply snuck out of the house while he was gone and made sure they were back by the time he returned. If they weren’t, he would add to the grounding. They became immune to his tactics and just laughed at being grounded.
Both you and your daughter need a system of give and take, one that gives her responsibilities and rewards her with privileges that she earns (or loses). This breeds respect because she has the choice of her own "punishment".
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